Nearly 70% of Americans experience physical and mental symptoms of stress in relationships, but only 37% think they are doing very well at managing it, according to a recent study by the American Psychological Association.
Coping styles are the ways we deal with stress. Most of us have a variety of methods that we use depending on our personality and the situation.
Psychologists categorize them as instrumental or emotional. Coping styles can also be divided into active or avoidant. As you might guess, some styles are usually more constructive than others.
If you’re trying to manage stress in your relationships more effectively, you’ll be happy to know that it’s a skill you can practice to build your capacity to deal with challenges by recognizing and changing your coping style.
When you believe in yourself, you feel more secure, and you enjoy greater success in dating, love and your life. However, most of us have times in our life when fears and doubts undermine our faith in ourselves and most importantly our faith in others. You may experience setbacks that leave you feeling helpless. It’s also natural for your confidence to fluctuate from day-to-day or vary from one relationship to another.
The point is when you become afraid, feel insecure, feel injustice, are your behaviors or way of coping helping you, helping the situation or hurting you and or hurting the situation?
I personally had a learned behavior of fighting with words and a destructive energy of anger and resentment. Whenever I felt not heard or injustice, I would scream, curse, cry and destroy items around me, even to the extent of punching holes in walls. I had an emotional coping style or what many of my previous boyfriends would call “dramatic” or “drama queen”.
After my cooling off period, I would go back to normal as if nothing happened and confused as to why me saying “I’m sorry” did not instantly change the situation. Instead, my emotional coping style cost me in my lifetime:
Three days in jail.
Loss of a huge government contract.
Loss of romantic partners and close friends.
Loss of jobs.
Loss of great clients.
Loss of my self worth and my sanity.
The Key to EVERYDAY BLISS:
1. Self awareness is the starting gate for taking responsibility for your actions, relationships and results. When you focus on the other person and how they make you feel, or what they did to you more than how you are coping with the situation, the truth is you will keep repeating the cycle until something changes.
2. Change has to always begin and end with you. Stop waiting on others to change so that you can feel better. You are giving power over to your feelings and for others to run your life.
3. You are the CEO of your life. To keep your life healthy and manage your style of coping, spend time with yourself and learn how to raise your BLISS. (Beauty. Love. Intuition. Sensuality. Significance.)
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P.S. Take the FREE QUIZ to find out your Coping Style.
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Nekisha Michelle, MSW is the only plus-size matchmaker in the world. Nekisha is a speaker, television personality, business owner, author and producer. She has a social media following of over 12,000 fans across all platforms combined. Her mission is to support women in becoming Ready Women who live happy, successful- lives and create sexy, healthy -relationships without overwhelm and conflict.