relationships

How to Place Your Order for the Ideal Man

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Yes, I am ready to place my order; I’ll have the fried tilapia dinner fried, extra crunchy with macaroni & cheese and coleslaw for my side orders.  I want Sunshine Lemonade to drink with light ice and for dessert please and add some homemade graham cracker crust apple pie.  The attendant rings up your order and repeats it back to you…you verbally say yes “My order is correct.” 

The attendant then says “Your order will come to $14.50.”  You pull out the money hand her a $20.00 bill, she gives you your change and tells you your order will be ready in 15 minutes.

That was such a simple task of ordering your favorite food, but do you realize that ordering the ideal man uses the same process and is really that simple. So why are some single women saying,  “I can’t find a good man?” Going on date after date only to feel frustrated and sometimes rejected because you have high expectations that this could be the one, but 10-15 minutes into the date you realize it was a complete waste of time.

I know from experience that feeling all too well, going through the motions of putting on your best outfit, getting your hair fried, died and laid to the side.  Adorning your face with your best cosmetics and you even stopped by the car washed to make sure everything about you gives the impression of being flawless. All that for a date that ended before it began.

MAKE A DECISION

1. Make a decision that you are ready for love, and you will release the sabotaging language and actions that repel the ideal men from being attracted to you. Sabotaging language is when you say things like, “no matter what I do I keep attracting all the jerks.” Because what you say is what you get!

EVOLVE YOUR LANGUAGE

2.  Evolve your language and passion to articulate what you like and stop rehearsing what you don’t like. Have you noticed that when you place your order for your favorite food, you don’t discuss what you don’t want. You only talk about the items you want and you share how you want it.  The same with placing your order for the ideal man. Only talk about the qualities and aspects your desire in a mate. Example of evolving language is instead of saying, “I want a man who is kind and smart,” you would say, “I want a man who  considers my thoughts and opinions first, and after hearing what I say, knows how to make a wise judgment that I can easily respect.”

MEASURE UP

3. Measure UP. Make sure you are in the right space in your heart and head to receive what you want. In other words, make sure what you are asking for you are also able to offer those same qualities. Being able to embody what you want is the key for your order being granted. If you want a successful, sexy man who is kind, make sure you are successful, sexy and kind.  It is out of natural order to place an order for something or someone you are not equipped to pay for. In this instance you measure up by paying with your personal characteristics, your morals, your discipline and your BS ( belief system).

GIVE IT TIME

4.  Give it time. Allow your order to be processed and prepared for your ideal man. Your ability to wait patiently is the difference between a gourmet man or a TV dinner. Gourmet takes a little longer than a TV dinner. This is when I tell you DON’T SETTLE for less than what you know you deserve. For example, if the attendant gave you your food order and it was not prepared correctly, what do you do? You repeat the agreement for the order and wait until what you asked for, you get. What happens when you get tired of waiting for our ideal man order? You start mumbling, complaining, doubting, entertaining buzzards, and buzzard-like behavior in men just to have someone.  DON’T SETTLE because when you do, you make it difficult to believe what you want really exists. Wait for everything you ordered.

NOW PLACE YOUR ORDER…

Finding a good man may appear to be one of the most challenging experiences some of us women face; however, the challenge is often diminished when you know what to do and where to go for help.  Sometimes you will have to place several orders until you find the right combination of the man that fits you, but just understand that life will only give you what you are ready for, so place your order today because what you’re seeking is also seeking you.


Could Your Soulmate Be Abroad?

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P.S. Ready for some help in finding Everyday Bliss. Click here to come chat with me on a FREE 20 Minute Discovery Session .

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About

Nekisha Michelle, MSW is the only plus-size matchmaker in the world. Nekisha is a speaker, television personality, business owner, author and producer. She has a social media following of over 12,000 fans across all platforms combined. Her mission is to support women in becoming Ready Women who live happy, successful- lives and create sexy, healthy -relationships without overwhelm and conflict. Nekisha Michelle believes, The Ready Woman can have it all through B.L.I.S.S. (Beauty. Love. Intuition. Sensuality. Significance.)

From Setback to Solution

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Many experts believe that developing the coping style of Instrumental should be the primary approach to handling conflict. I must agree although easier said than done, when you’re dominant personality or behavior habits consist of being emotional or avoidance.

To make this easier to digest, there is a saying that goes like this, you have to choose your battles but in choosing them, you must create a strategy that involves a solution that will allow you to create a win-win outcome.

Sadly, often in the heat of a setback when not naturally of the INSTRUMENTAL mindset, its difficult to see the bigger picture and even more difficult to develop a beneficial solution. That is why in my latest book, The Ready Woman, I share a concept I learned called RESPONDING or REACTING.

REACTING - Is the gut ignitor that presses an invisible button inside us that creates the fight or flight command. Usually, nothing happens except more fuel being added to the setback flames. Feelings are hurt, relationships crash, communication and intentions turn chaotic. This happens because reacting expresses pain and anger NOT SOLUTION.

RESPONDING - is the strategic approach to creating a powerful and meaningful solution from a setback. To respond, you allow yourself to move past the gut reaction, to trying to understand the bigger picture. You are taking the time necessary to think through pros, cons and the quickest and most favorable outcome. The outcome that causes the least amount of drama, emotion and sometimes a loss of entitlement. This happens because the goal is to find the solution not satisfy the ego or soothe the emotions..

What you should know
1. Reacting is seen to be pessimistic style of coping that often allows fear and inferiority to dictate your actions.

2. Responding is seen as a positive and optimistic view point to resolving unpleasant setbacks. This instrumental coping style is often based in peace, emotional maturity and longevity.

How to become instrumental in your style of coping

A. Look at multiple points of views.
B. Count to 10 or higher to relax and relieve yourself of any emotional intensity.
C. Create prayers and affirmations that validate your ability to respond vs react.
D. Incorporate daily 10-15 minute meditation to transform your unconscious beliefs for the better.
E. Get professional help to serve as an accountability, encouragement and support for emotional change.
F. Immediately forgive yourself and others for shortcomings and misalignment.

Now that you know
Where can you begin to grow?
Silently reflect on all the times you could have been instrumental but you weren’t, how do you think the outcomes may have turned out if you were more solution focused in the midst of your setback.?
Moving forward, what are two things you can do now to increase your ability to respond vs. react and move yourself from setback to solution?





Join me and a fun group of beautiful plus-size professional women on a powerful journey to creating happiness, real healthy dating, relationships, and deep love on September 13, 2019. At the Ready Woman G-Spot, get on the Wait List now. Go Here-->bit.ly/readywomancode


P.S. Move quickly and positively from Setback to Solution with your FREE Coping Meditation .

P.P.S. Ready to elevate, refocus and make your happiness a priority? I believe you shift your coping style with ease while quenching your travel thirst? We have one spot remaining for “Total Bliss in Bali” October 20-26 2019. Click here for the succulent details and get your precious passport ready.

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About

Nekisha Michelle, MSW is the only plus-size matchmaker in the world. Nekisha is a speaker, television personality, business owner, author and producer. She has a social media following of over 12,000 fans across all platforms combined. Her mission is to support women in becoming Ready Women who live happy, successful- lives and create sexy, healthy -relationships without overwhelm and conflict. Nekisha Michelle believes, The Ready Woman can have it all through B.L.I.S.S. (Beauty. Love. Intuition. Sensuality. Significance.)

Why Are You Avoiding Me?

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Have you ever found yourself frustrated because you’re significant other seems to delay, run-a-way from or dodge a specific topic of discussion?

I’ll illuminate quickly an example of one specific type of issue I help my matchmaking and dating clients glide consistently through the ability to discuss with their person of interest anything related to engagement and marriage.

That conversation seems to bring up the potential of the other party checking out mentally because those who are not ready for that level of commitment will RUN!

Maybe you’re the one that prefers not to address certain topics or persons.

What It Could Look or Feel Like
Maybe you feel overwhelmed by attending social events and activities. That is a strong issue for me because believe it or not, I am an introvert and when I have the opportunity to attend events and social situation or gatherings, I will not go.


Avoidance Coping
Avoidance coping is a way to decrease stressors and mal feelings by not addressing or dealing with them. avoidance may provide temporary relief, but it backfires if you rely on it excessively. Trying to run away from your troubles increases stress and undermines your self-confidence.

Every time you escape a situation, conversation or a person simply because you feel uncomfortable dealing with it, him or her; and this is your go-to method to refrain or hide; It means either you or the particular person has a primary coping style of AVOIDANCE.

In fact, according to an article published through Very Well Mind, those who are naturally prone to anxiety may have learned avoidance techniques early on and perhaps have a more difficult time learning more proactive strategies afterward. Additionally, if you learned this type of behavior growing up, it may be a habit now.

Three Reasons Avoidance Coping Does NOT Work

  1.  Avoidance coping hurts your relationships by creating lingering conflict.

  2. Avoidance coping is said to heighten and induce anxiety.

  3. Avoidance coping rarely diminishes a problem, it actually magnify’s the issue.

Positive Change Creates Powerful Results
Changing your avoidant coping style can make you more resilient and successful. Face your troubles head on and manage your emotions. You’ll experience less stress and feel more positive about yourself and your conscious ability to form healthy habits.


Join me and a fun group of beautiful plus-size professional women on a powerful journey to creating happiness, real healthy dating, relationships, and deep love on August 10, 2019. At the Ready Woman G-Spot, get on the Wait List now. Go Here-->bit.ly/readywomancode


P.S. Grab your free Coping Journal to write it down and let it go.

P.P.S. Ready to take responsibility for the way you cope while quenching your wanderlust thirst? We have one spot remaining for “Total Bliss in Bali” October 20-26 2019. Click here for the succulent details and get your precious passport in hand.

Nekisha+social+use+0229.jpg

About

Nekisha Michelle, MSW is the only plus-size matchmaker in the world. Nekisha is a speaker, television personality, business owner, author and producer. She has a social media following of over 12,000 fans across all platforms combined. Her mission is to support women in becoming Ready Women who live happy, successful- lives and create sexy, healthy -relationships without overwhelm and conflict.

IS YOUR COPING STYLE HELPING OR HURTING YOU?

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Nearly 70% of Americans experience physical and mental symptoms of stress in relationships, but only 37% think they are doing very well at managing it, according to a recent study by the American Psychological Association.

Coping styles are the ways we deal with stress. Most of us have a variety of methods that we use depending on our personality and the situation.

Psychologists categorize them as instrumental or emotional. Coping styles can also be divided into active or avoidant. As you might guess, some styles are usually more constructive than others.

If you’re trying to manage stress in your relationships more effectively, you’ll be happy to know that it’s a skill you can practice to build your capacity to deal with challenges by recognizing and changing your coping style.

When you believe in yourself, you feel more secure, and you enjoy greater success in dating, love and your life. However, most of us have times in our life when fears and doubts undermine our faith in ourselves and most importantly our faith in others. You may experience setbacks that leave you feeling helpless. It’s also natural for your confidence to fluctuate from day-to-day or vary from one relationship to another.

The point is when you become afraid, feel insecure, feel injustice, are your behaviors or way of coping helping you, helping the situation or hurting you and or hurting the situation?

I personally had a learned behavior of fighting with words and a destructive energy of anger and resentment. Whenever I felt not heard or injustice, I would scream, curse, cry and destroy items around me, even to the extent of punching holes in walls. I had an emotional coping style or what many of my previous boyfriends would call “dramatic” or “drama queen”.

After my cooling off period, I would go back to normal as if nothing happened and confused as to why me saying “I’m sorry” did not instantly change the situation. Instead, my emotional coping style cost me in my lifetime:

  1. Three days in jail.

  2. Loss of a huge government contract.

  3. Loss of romantic partners and close friends.

  4. Loss of jobs.

  5. Loss of great clients.

  6. Loss of my self worth and my sanity.

The Key to EVERYDAY BLISS:

1. Self awareness is the starting gate for taking responsibility for your actions, relationships and results. When you focus on the other person and how they make you feel, or what they did to you more than how you are coping with the situation, the truth is you will keep repeating the cycle until something changes.

2. Change has to always begin and end with you. Stop waiting on others to change so that you can feel better. You are giving power over to your feelings and for others to run your life.

3. You are the CEO of your life. To keep your life healthy and manage your style of coping, spend time with yourself and learn how to raise your BLISS. (Beauty. Love. Intuition. Sensuality. Significance.)

 

Join me and a fun group of beautiful plus-size professional women on a powerful journey to creating happiness, real healthy dating, relationships, and deep love on August 10, 2019. At the Ready Woman G-Spot, get on the Wait List now. Go Here-->bit.ly/readywomancode


P.S. Take the FREE QUIZ to find out your Coping Style.

P.P.S. Ready to take responsibility for the way you cope while quenching your wanderlust thirst? We have one spot remaining for “Total Bliss in Bali” October 20-26 2019. Click here for the succulent details and get your precious passport in hand.

Nekisha+social+use+0229.jpg

About

Nekisha Michelle, MSW is the only plus-size matchmaker in the world. Nekisha is a speaker, television personality, business owner, author and producer. She has a social media following of over 12,000 fans across all platforms combined. Her mission is to support women in becoming Ready Women who live happy, successful- lives and create sexy, healthy -relationships without overwhelm and conflict.