Many experts believe that developing the coping style of Instrumental should be the primary approach to handling conflict. I must agree although easier said than done, when you’re dominant personality or behavior habits consist of being emotional or avoidance.
To make this easier to digest, there is a saying that goes like this, you have to choose your battles but in choosing them, you must create a strategy that involves a solution that will allow you to create a win-win outcome.
Sadly, often in the heat of a setback when not naturally of the INSTRUMENTAL mindset, its difficult to see the bigger picture and even more difficult to develop a beneficial solution. That is why in my latest book, The Ready Woman, I share a concept I learned called RESPONDING or REACTING.
REACTING - Is the gut ignitor that presses an invisible button inside us that creates the fight or flight command. Usually, nothing happens except more fuel being added to the setback flames. Feelings are hurt, relationships crash, communication and intentions turn chaotic. This happens because reacting expresses pain and anger NOT SOLUTION.
RESPONDING - is the strategic approach to creating a powerful and meaningful solution from a setback. To respond, you allow yourself to move past the gut reaction, to trying to understand the bigger picture. You are taking the time necessary to think through pros, cons and the quickest and most favorable outcome. The outcome that causes the least amount of drama, emotion and sometimes a loss of entitlement. This happens because the goal is to find the solution not satisfy the ego or soothe the emotions..
What you should know
1. Reacting is seen to be pessimistic style of coping that often allows fear and inferiority to dictate your actions.
2. Responding is seen as a positive and optimistic view point to resolving unpleasant setbacks. This instrumental coping style is often based in peace, emotional maturity and longevity.
How to become instrumental in your style of coping
A. Look at multiple points of views.
B. Count to 10 or higher to relax and relieve yourself of any emotional intensity.
C. Create prayers and affirmations that validate your ability to respond vs react.
D. Incorporate daily 10-15 minute meditation to transform your unconscious beliefs for the better.
E. Get professional help to serve as an accountability, encouragement and support for emotional change.
F. Immediately forgive yourself and others for shortcomings and misalignment.
Now that you know
Where can you begin to grow?
Silently reflect on all the times you could have been instrumental but you weren’t, how do you think the outcomes may have turned out if you were more solution focused in the midst of your setback.?
Moving forward, what are two things you can do now to increase your ability to respond vs. react and move yourself from setback to solution?
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P.S. Move quickly and positively from Setback to Solution with your FREE Coping Meditation .
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Nekisha Michelle, MSW is the only plus-size matchmaker in the world. Nekisha is a speaker, television personality, business owner, author and producer. She has a social media following of over 12,000 fans across all platforms combined. Her mission is to support women in becoming Ready Women who live happy, successful- lives and create sexy, healthy -relationships without overwhelm and conflict. Nekisha Michelle believes, The Ready Woman can have it all through B.L.I.S.S. (Beauty. Love. Intuition. Sensuality. Significance.)